THE AUTHENTIC MAN, Step10: How To Stop Being A Boy & Become A King

Welcome to the last part of the Authentic Man series!

We’ve talked about all the ideas, tools, and basics of becoming an authentic man, or at least the big ideas, which include:

• How to become bold and remove fear

• The lie of the cold player and the dangers of being too proud

• How to build humility, hide your boldness, and gain real strength

• How to care about people, learn from them, and take on the weight of their feelings

• How to spot toxic thoughts about women

• How to get rid of those toxic thoughts and truly care about women

• How to look inward

• How a genuine man sees the world

• How a genuine man acts, both kind and bold

Now I want to show you what that looks like in real life, or at least what it starts to look like once you reach this stage. I’ll share many real-life examples of how I act now and compare them to how I acted before when I was just trying to be a tough guy.

I will assume many thoughts and habits have already been built on the way to becoming authentic and will often refer back to the earlier parts of this series. My goal is to show how each lesson is one block on this path and cannot be skipped or ignored.

There will be a lot of new thoughts and points in this post that could each be their own post, but for now, take them as given and focus on the big picture. Keep in mind, this series is about the overall, clear steps to becoming an authentic man; the small, daily parts of this path are going to be special to your life and too many to explain in one series, but I’ll offer many different situations and thoughts that compare the earlier levels of the “nice guy” and “tough guy” to the authentic man stage.

Said another way, this post is here to show you what can happen. I want to prove that change really can happen and that where you are now is small compared to who you could be. And most of what I’ll talk about here is very advanced in real life, even if it sometimes sounds basic.

If you read something that feels way too simple, ask yourself this: “Am I really doing it?” If not, it only feels easy because you’re looking back; actually doing it all the time is very different. It’s taken me nearly six years to fully get social skills to the point where I can use them clearly in almost every moment of my life.

So go slow and think over everything from the earlier parts of this series. Then come back, read this part again, and figure out how each earlier post connects with the lessons here.

Let’s jump in.

Behavior Rules

I’m pretty serious about how others act around me now, especially women. If a woman doesn’t pay me much attention, doesn’t add anything real to the conversation, or doesn’t put real energy into taking us toward lust and orgasms, I’ll stop talking to her fast. I’ll even walk away in the middle of a chat if she looks away too long or gets distracted for more than a minute. If I’m talking to a woman who isn’t hot enough to sleep with, or isn’t fun enough to hang with, I walk away.

Compare this to how I used to think back when I was just trying to act bold. My old goal was to prove that I could sleep with any woman, at any time, in any place. Now? I don’t feel the need to prove that anymore.

Not only has my past experience taught me to be humble about what’s truly possible, especially when your name is on the line, but I also don’t enjoy wasting my time for little gain. That kind of grind is something you may have to go through to level up, but once you reach this point, it’s like a top movie star doing cheap ads for a few bucks when they could be landing major roles.

A good way to see this is how I now plan dates. If a woman skips two date invites through text, I delete her number. If, while chatting, she won’t say yes to a date or tries to act too cool, I stop asking and quickly move on. Any action I feel adds nothing good to my life, I remove it fast.

Handling Conflict

There are only two types of conflict I see as worth my time now: when a high-quality woman is testing or challenging me, and when a man is being a douche.

Women’s Tests

If a woman is testing me, I keep it easy:

• I either ignore it or

• I play along without much effort.

If I don’t care about the woman, I just ignore her challenge, smile or laugh, and keep talking like she said nothing, or I leave.

One time, a girl joked that since I’ve become nicer and grown my hair out, I’ve lost two of my top traits (being a dick and having a “bad boy” undercut) – I replied, “Yeah, don’t I just suck?” I didn’t care much about her, so I just joked back. What’s funny is, after that, she started trying to prove herself to me, even saying I was the right height for her, after saying minutes before that I was too short. The guy who can walk away from drama calmly is usually the strongest. He’s focused on the bigger picture, not the small fights.

Now, if I’m interested in the woman, either to sleep with or build something deeper, I accept her little challenge. A lot of the time, you’ll get tests in different forms: she might say you don’t have something she wants, or she’ll question something you said to test how serious you are. You won’t get anywhere with her if you’re totally quiet, so you have to respond, but do it like a big wolf being teased by a small squirrel.

In a moment like that, the big wolf doesn’t growl at the squirrel. He just stares. No need to act tough or prove himself. He knows how it’ll go. And the best way to show that is by staying calm, or sometimes joking about being weak, which can make her feel good and also show that you don’t care about looking weak, because you know you’re strong inside.

Usually, when a woman throws a test at me, I do the same thing I’d do with one I don’t care about – I just agree that I’m not good enough in the way she says (this is called disqualifying yourself).

Here’s an example: I met a girl with a firm handshake. I pointed it out, and she told me she doesn’t like men with soft handshakes.

Now, I usually shake hands with women in a gentle but steady way – I think a strong shake is too serious and better for men. So by her standards, I failed her test. I took that moment to show I’m okay with her judging me. I smiled and said, “Well, I have the handshake of a little girl, so guess that puts me out of the runnin’, eh?”

She laughed and teased, “Oh, no no no, I could never get with you since you don’t have a manly handshake!” We both laughed, and I stayed calm and playful. A mix of being chill and making fun of yourself makes women feel drawn in like water leaking from a loose tap.

Men’s Challenges

Now, for the second kind of situation, when a man comes at you. Here’s a wild story that shows how you can turn an enemy into a friend. This was about a year ago, but I acted in the same strong way I do today.

I went to another city with some bros for a weekend event. On the first night, we went out to a club. After climbing some stairs and finding a good spot to stand, we watched the room and got a feel for the place. On my right, I noticed a gorgeous girl dressed really well, facing away from me.

As I moved towards her, she nearly tripped (heels are tough – I’ve walked in them once). She looked around, a bit embarrassed, and met my eyes. We locked eyes, and the tension grew. I smiled and asked, “Hey, are you okay?” She smiled back and kept eye contact.

As we looked at each other, I realized her group had a private section with fancy chairs and expensive drinks. One guy in their VIP area noticed me, tapped his buddy, and that guy yelled out, “Hey, fuck you asshole!”

I find people’s anger funny sometimes, so his reaction gave me a strange thrill. I just laughed, looked back at the girl, smiled, and turned away to face my boys. Not worth it.

But then I heard someone speak behind me. I turned around and saw the first guy, not the one who shouted at me (he clearly didn’t want to back up his words). He looked me in the eye and said, “So, do you want me to stab you guys and throw you over that railing?”

That got serious fast. My boys froze, unsure of what to do. The guy kept staring. My move?

I smiled, held eye contact, and put out my hand, saying, “Haha, you’re a funny guy. What’s your name, dude?” He looked surprised, but still acted tough. “You don’t need to know my name.” I laughed and said, “Well, my name is MOS. It’s nice to meet you. Are you from around here?” He finally gave a little and shook my hand. I kept the small talk going. A waitress stepped in and calmed the scene. She even gave me a seat in their VIP section and a free drink.

In the next two hours, not only did I get cool with the guy who wanted to stab me, but I also made friends with the one who yelled at me. Turns out, the girl I flirted with was his girlfriend, and they’d been fighting lately. I went from maybe getting jumped to being part of the most elite group in the club and staying with them till the end of the night.

Why fight enemies when you can win without fighting? I treat nearly every tough moment like this.

Back then, I looked for fights just to prove something. I don’t need that anymore. When you’ve got the biggest dick in the room, you don’t have to pull it out to prove it.

Handling Resistance to Sex

But the biggest change is how I now deal with a woman’s hesitation to have sex once we’re alone—what could be seen as conflict, or what a friend calls “lovely violence.”

Since stepping into this new, authentic dating mindset, I've had a 100% success rate from being alone together to getting laid, and I’ve overcome all last-minute resistance with almost no effort. It's not just about how often I escalate (though that’s down too), but the mindset I bring to any resistance. This mindset can be summed up as fully letting go of any anger I hold toward women.

Now, I truly love women and see their resistance not only as a fun test but also as something to respect. Why should she just give in to your sexual moves?

If she’s hesitant, it means you haven’t shown your value yet, whether you want to admit it or not; she doesn’t view you as enough of a man to risk having your baby. Her hesitation is your chance to understand her more, both as a person and as a woman. If you do this sincerely, you’ll lose the irritation and feeling of failure that men usually get when a girl resists.

Plus, I remind myself that this is just one girl, and she isn’t that special. Her verbal and physical hesitation is just part of the dating dance, a little show to sort out serious guys from boys. Honestly, I find it kind of charming.

Handling Praise and Being Approachable

This was the biggest problem with acting like an asshole. Cranking arrogance to max and showing blatant dominance made girls reject me fast.

One small but powerful way to show you’re approachable is how you take compliments.

Let me jump into an example, but first, I need to explain the context. Then I’ll show how this fits into being a real man.

I was just at a party. These events are usually only for guys in a particular group in the city, and I’ve never seen anyone else break that rule. Except me. I go to date parties and private events from several groups in my city, all the time. People notice. They joke that I belong to multiple groups. Even more, guys from those groups have told me, “Bro, we see you as an honorary member! You’re welcome to anything!”

How do I pull that off?

Usually, I just ask or show up, and they let me stay. Often, I get invited too. A guy will text, “Yo MOS, coming to our party tonight?” Good times.

So yeah, it takes some solid social skills and reputation to make that happen. And as I said, people notice and talk about it. When guys with less social status see someone with stronger status, they either latch onto them or try to knock them down to raise themselves.

Back to the date party.

After about thirty minutes, I finally got comfortable in an environment that was initially skeptical and kind of cold (lots of questions about who my date was. Once I said I came with a friend and his girlfriend and made a threesome joke, most of those cold looks got smoothed out. I began to feel like myself.

Feeling relaxed, I started talking with two guys, and everything was chill. Then a girl I know walked over; earlier, she teased me like “Why are you here?!” and said the girls wondered how I got in. Now she asked flatly, “So MOS, how did you actually get in?”

I just looked at her, smiled, and said, “I like hanging with Sig Tus. They’re cool guys. That’s it.” No big explanation, no boasting, just how I felt. Then one of the guys said, “Yeah, MOS’s a great dude! He’s welcome here!”

That wasn’t enough to satisfy her test. She kept pushing,

“I see you at so many groups, how do you get into everything?! Do they just invite you because they’re like ‘Oh my god, it’s MOS, ahhhh’? Why don’t you go to Max Menb more? [Her boyfriend, a good friend of mine, is a Max Man.]”

Before I said anything, the other guy jumped in, “I bet if the Max Man saw MOS walking in, they’d all gasp over him,” and he exaggerated it.

It may not look like it, but this was a tricky moment. For most people, it seems like a dream to be in this spotlight. To others, it might look arrogant to get this much attention. But if you know social dynamics, you see this as a big opportunity for social gain and a real test of how you handle compliments, which is a key to real social skill.

See, both guys liked me for more than just my popularity. And the girl also liked me and was clearly flirting (every woman’s challenge is a chance to show your worth and move things fast). But they were testing how well I keep my self-image and reputation.

So what did I do?

I threw my hands up, shrugged a little, and said, “I guess I’m just a huge try-hard. I want invites to all the parties, so I suck a few dicks and boom, I’m in!”

Boom, perfect hit. One comment, three wins.

They all burst out laughing, her interest spiked, and after another teasing remark from her, she warmed right back up to me—I seemed less distant and even more attractive. My humility and genuine attitude were obvious.

I didn’t have to go on about how I got invited (which would lower my social level), and I didn’t act cocky by bragging like “Well, I ace everything ‘cause I’m MOS!” That would show high status but still lack real authenticity. And that’s a response I would have given just a few months ago.

Instead, I showed I could be vulnerable by joking about something that’s partly true (I have asked to be invited), but also showed some self-deprecating humor—signs of strong self-confidence and direction.

So, why am I telling you this brag story? Mostly to show that this is possible. You really can get into whatever party you want if you build good relationships. And when you’re at that level, this is the kind of social game you’re playing.

Confidence

I avoided using this word until a couple of posts ago, because people often mess up what confidence means. But now I can use it, and you know it means a balance between being too full of yourself and too humble, different from the confidence you get from skills or experience. It’s a state of certainty.

Well, my confidence is off the charts now. I’ll write more about this later, but here’s the gist: I feel confident because I’m extremely arrogant. I’m so full of myself these days that I actually believe I could become a billionaire, date celebrities, and do some wild stuff.

But I’m also really humble—I know I’m human; I’ve felt big failures with heartbreak, rejection, and long learning curves; and I’ve seen how unchecked arrogance has ruined powerful people throughout history. Mix them together, and you get confidence that’s stronger than a jerk’s, and also uplifting to those around you.

Really, Really Nice

This part clicked for me when I met my buddy Ethan. I’d met some other naturals who were better than I, and they were kind almost all the time, but I still believed the rude guy act was best. That changed when I talked to Ethan and realized this guy was a total sweetheart.

It took me a moment, but then I remembered that most of my seduction wins and best social experiences happened when I was kind, full of empathy, and real with people. I thought back on those times as any self-reflective man should and saw that I was full of love for others.

That love came from knowing people and wanting them to feel as happy as I did. Then I thought of Ethan and saw the same thing:

• He was a sweetheart because he genuinely cared about people and understood them

• He didn’t need to act like an asshole

When you truly get human nature, nothing shocks you. Instead of feeling anxious about the unknown, you just see what is. That actually builds love, or a better word, appreciation for people. And when you appreciate humanity, you appreciate yourself, one small part of it.

And like I said before, being an asshole is just pointless and unproductive most of the time. I don’t mind asshole behavior morally—I’m not tied to strict ethics but being mean is useless when you can be kind, which calms you inside and lifts others up.

So now I’m just really, really kind to everyone. I still tease a lot, but I removed the harsh edges. I compliment people all the time. I love humanity even more now that I understand it better; I want people to succeed! I like seeing them happy! Even people who rejected me, shamed me, or hated me—I greet them with a smile and a friendly vibe.

Not only does it feel light and rewarding inside, but it also shows them that their hate doesn’t affect me. I can’t stress enough how strong compassion is.

The best example of my new friendly vibe is how open I am with people. Meeting someone new or talking to an old friend, I show myself honestly right away. You assume friendship, like you assume attraction when you meet a cute girl. When you open up to meet a friend, it might feel weird, so if you want a real bond, you need to give them more warmth. If you can move quickly in romance, why not move quickly in friendship and connection? That’s next-level stuff, guys.

I’m even nicer now than I was before seduction stuff, back when I was a shy kid, only expressing myself by being the class clown. But what makes my kindness different from a weak kid trying to buy a girl’s attention with “niceness”?

I’m not after getting something in return. I just want to be kind and enjoy seeing others feel my warmth.

Oh, and a fun tip—the sentence above basically captures the “I Am the Prize” mindset.

Still Quite a Dick

At the end of this journey, you realize the asshole phase was just a way to filter things. You start to see the difference between being heartless and doing bold things that carry some social risk. A lot of what you did as an asshole falls into the second group, but some still belongs in the first—you just have to know the real difference!

Now, though, I mostly know when it’s right to be aggressive. There are lots of different times this can happen, but here are a few examples:

When someone is acting like a loud douche and tries to force their ideas on you or someone close to you, I step in and shut them down. I actually did this with a co-worker in my workplace when he was sharing some very outdated stats to support his political views. People’s faces were priceless.

When someone is being soft. I’ve never seen a time when joining someone’s pity party helped them grow. Sure, let them vent, but they also need the hard truth said in the most helpful way. And usually, that means being direct. No sugar on that truth bomb.

When it’s funny. Sometimes people need a bit of a jolt, so making a wild joke or dropping a rough comment helps wake them up from their daydreams. I do this to myself, too, to keep from taking life too seriously and to remind myself this is all a game.

Basically, be a dick only when it helps someone in the moment or like I said in the last post—it needs a real reason.

The Comeback King

Everyone loves a good story. That’s why I use real-life experiences in my writing. But the story people love the most is the comeback—the one where someone rises up from a hard fall, stronger than before.

So to end this series on a powerful note, I’ll tell you one last story. It includes someone familiar. Remember that ex I kept bringing up?

Here’s a funny update to that chapter.

To recap, I’ve had one casual thing with her, two one-on-one relationships, and one open one, with three big arcs in the mix. One arc was about winning her back after she dumped me; another was her chasing me after I dumped her. Each phase showed me how far I’d come in the game and emotional strength. And each phase taught me more about seduction than almost anything else.

Well, a few weeks ago, she came to my house. I didn’t expect it at first, but then I remembered I’d spoken to her earlier that day for the first time in a while, after my “transformation,” so maybe she picked up on the change. To keep it short, she chased me harder than any girl ever has.

But I turned her down.

I knew sleeping with her wasn’t a good idea, for a thousand reasons. So after she made a very clear sexual comment, and I said no, she left the party. I thought that was the end.

Then she texted me. I ignored it.

Then she called. I ignored it.

Then she called again. I ignored that too.

Then she came to my house, walked up to me with another girl, and offered a threesome. But for reasons involving loyalty to a friend, I couldn’t sleep with the other girl and said no. This strong refusal of easy sex pushed her to literally beg me to sleep with her—she said, “MOS, I’m not gonna beg you to have sex with me, but I’m begging you to have sex with me.” Her thirst made the Amazon River look dry.

But like you learn in seduction, sometimes being persistent works. So yes, I gave in and slept with her. But afterward, I kind of regretted it. Not for myself, because my feelings for her are so low. I was more worried about her feelings; I noticed during our talk after sex that she was using clever and clear tricks to pull me in emotionally (mostly through jealousy). I also saw that sleeping with me was her way of trying to get control again in a relationship that once leaned her way, but now, I was totally on another level of detachment and power.

That’s why sleeping with her again didn’t really make me feel proud. I’ve been through this so many times now, and the pattern is easy to see—like looking at a maze from above. It no longer feels like a win to climb the same old hills. They taught me a lot, but they’re not where I get my value anymore.

Remember the point about “scope” from the self-reflection series? Look at the whole war, not the small fights, my friend.

Hooking up with exes and winning them back will always give a mix of emotions. It shows you’ve grown since the breakup, but you’ll find more joy with new women and new connections. Even more, it would be small-minded of me to enjoy the new power shift—only a weak man thinks “now I got you!” when he gains control again. If you think like that, snap out of it and stop acting soft.

Always forward. That’s the lesson here.

The Maskless Man

I’m fully open to the world now. I mentioned earlier that the power behind my new kindness comes from how authentic it is, and that authenticity can be described as “kind actions without expecting anything in return.” That’s the best way I can define being real and sincere – I do things in a way that has worked to get me friends and to hook up, but I don’t get stuck on any one outcome. Sure, I still want to have sex and have fun, but I’ve developed a kind of emotional toughness to most rejection and embarrassment – no need for armor here.

To say it differently, I’m not pretending and I’m not hiding anything. I behave based on what’s going on, but most of what I do lines up with how I act in general. I’m just as wild and fun by myself in my room as I am in a busy bar full of strangers. I don’t wear a mask. Or if I do wear one, at least it’s the same one all the time.

Maybe that’s the true meaning of realness – being the same all the time. Or is that frame-control? Or staying true to yourself?

Or maybe it’s all the same thing ;)

But How?!

If you haven’t built the social skill to fully get this post, your brain might be filled with questions – “Well, is this action real? Or that one? Or this other thing?” You’re probably feeling a bit lost.

If so, read the whole series again a few more times and really ask yourself if someone who’s reached this level would act or talk the way you’re wondering about. Or better yet, go live with it.

Reading this won’t suddenly make you real unless you’ve already done a lot in the real world, and all you needed was a few insights to help everything click. If you didn’t have a bunch of “aha” moments while reading this, it’s time to go get out there and gain experience, you silly goose.

Experience. A lot of it.

That experience will break you down and build you back up every time. But if you sharpen the skills and ways of thinking I’ve talked about in this series, if you push through and enjoy the process, I promise you’ll come out the other side a total beast. You’ll feel and move through life like the man you’ve always imagined yourself being.

Because you’ll be that man.

So get started.

I’ll be waiting for you at the top.

-MOS