THE AUTHENTIC MAN, Step 7: Becoming The Deep-Thinker
Welcome back to the path, men.
Now I’m going to show you the single most useful tool in becoming an authentic man.
Thinking deeply.
To grow in the right way on this path, you must look inward. No way around it. I talk about the power of deep thought, not just from my own life, but also from what I see in others; every cool man I’ve met is very self-aware and usually pretty smart (by the way, you can train your brain to be smart).
If you waste brain power on silly stuff and never take time to look inside and spot your mental flaws that block your skill growth, you’ll never become an authentic man. You can’t blindly stumble into success with girls or anything else.
For every constantly growing top-performer I know, I can name twenty other guys who are smart, smooth with girls, charming, and good-looking, but they waste all their talent. They go years repeating weak thoughts and bad habits that don’t move them closer to the goals they’ve told me about. If they just questioned their own beliefs, they’d see how weak or even harmful they are.
Don’t be like that. Think hard about everything I tell you, or anything you read from any author here. The best way I’ve found to really judge if an idea works?
First, take it in like it was passed down by the gods of flirting and wild nights.
Then go test it hard.
Let’s break it down.
Deep Thinking in Seduction
Every time you talk to a girl, is a lesson. Replay each time you walk up to her in your mind like a scene from a movie. Try to remember your voice when you said hello, how you lightly tapped her arm, how you looked at her when she turned around to see who it was. Deep thinking means going over what happened again and again until you find answers and make changes.
Every text you send her is like a small poem. You look at the words you used, the mood, the sentence style, your word choice, and her reply. You ask yourself, “Did she answer like that because of what I texted or because of how our first talk went? Could a better text have fixed what went wrong? Or did I do so well in person that she’d love anything I sent?”
And while doing all of this, you also look at yourself. Scan your thoughts for signs of neediness, sadness, or caring too much about results. Stay sharp and stay aware.
Example: You found out that your biggest issue is that you seem too easy to get? Okay, focus on that and think about every time you showed the wrong level of value to a girl.
Example: You’re having trouble staying hard during public sex? Try it a bunch more times. If that doesn’t solve it, dig deep and change how you see stress, fear of messing up, and how you believe she sees you in those moments.
Thinking Deeply in Relationships
This is where it might get a bit hard, because it’s easy to lose yourself in relationships. With the ex-girlfriend I’ve been talking about in this series, my biggest mistake wasn’t really the small things like making her jealous by saying careless stuff about other women, or spending too much time with her – the real mistake was not keeping my feelings in check and not seeing clearly where the relationship was going as it moved forward. I lost myself in the rush of wild fights, even wilder make-up sex, and the rush of having someone get mad in jealousy over me.
Story: An acquaintance of mine started dating a girl who had a boyfriend during most of their time getting close. She gave him many chances to sleep with her, but his “morals” stopped him from doing it, even though I told him again and again that the emotional bond he had with her was just as bad as a physical one. But he didn’t take my advice.
In time, I stopped giving him advice because he kept going in the same circle. When she finally became single, she made him almost beg to be with her. And because he didn’t keep his feelings in control, she made him tell her how much he liked her in a very needy and begging kind of way before she agreed to be his girlfriend.
Did he get what he wanted? Yes, he’s dating her now. She’s a pretty girl, but not hot enough to be worth all that effort, and she’s not that smart and kind of boring.
When she goes to parties, she just laps up male attention and flirts with any guy who shows a bit more strength or good looks than average.
He’s also put on some weight. And this is a guy who’s great with women; I once saw a very hot girl walk up to him and ask what he was doing the next day because she wanted to hang out.
Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a really cool guy that I love spending time with and still has lots of great traits, but is he wasting the chance to date way better girls than the one he’s with now? For sure. If he had kept track of how much he was putting into the “dating game” early on and watched the power balance more closely, he wouldn’t have let an average girl pull him into a relationship. But hey, props to her for knowing how to reel in such a high-value man.
Another story: An acquaintance of mine who’s slept with more than 50 girls asked his girlfriend to marry him last summer, and now they’re engaged. She’s actually a cool chick with a body count around five, a number some people say means she’s less likely to cheat in a one-man-one-woman relationship.
But around the middle of their time together, they began arguing a lot. I wasn’t there to see what started the drama, so I can’t say what exactly went wrong, but one day during the summer, I had lunch with him, and he told me he was going to ask her to marry him the next time he flew to another state to visit her.
I was surprised and asked how sure he was about the choice. He told me it wasn’t a quick decision and gave me his reason like this: “I mean, I’m never going to leave her, so why not just do it now?”
Even if you don’t have much dating experience, you can still see that something feels off with that way of thinking. It comes from a weak place — his forever promise of loyalty.
He wants to hold on to her with the promise of marriage to make sure she stays.
No matter how great a girl is, your reason to marry her should never be because you feel you’ll never leave her. Plus, he has no clue what he wants in life and no money saved (which makes marriage... risky).
Just like the other guy, I care about him deeply and want him to do well, but would a guy who thinks deeply rush into a forever promise like marriage with no money saved, not knowing where his life is going, and when she’s the first real girlfriend he’s had? Probably not. Oh, and recently she gave him the ring back. They’re still “together,” but I wouldn’t bet on it lasting much longer.
Now don’t take this as a rant against marriage, love, or anything like that – a full talk on those things is for another time and place; and to be fair, these friends and other guys like them might end up just as happy as your average dude, but here’s my point: they’re, well, average. And if that sounds like you, go ahead and live that way. I’m not here to tell you how to live your life.
But this post series is about rising to the top level of men in the world.