THE AUTHENTIC MAN, Step 4: Becoming A Man Who Loves People
Welcome back, gentlemen.
In Part 1 of this series, we talked about how to use arrogance as a tool to overcome weakness. In Part 2, we felt the cost of misusing arrogance.
To rise from that prideful fall, in Part 3, we learned humility—the guard that holds our strong drive and the key to surpassing the “jerk.”
Now we are going to learn how to understand and love people.
UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE
People fascinate me.
Even when I was shy and quiet, too timid to make any moves with women, I still enjoyed watching people and learning from their every gesture and word. Looking back, I was already predicting social moments from early on. My dad told me that as a kid, I’d just sit and watch everyone, seeming like I already knew what was happening.
So, understanding people was a skill I wanted to develop from a young age.
To truly master any skill, you must love it. You need to be curious about people’s stories: what motivates them, what hidden secrets they carry, and what changes them.
I don’t think I’m especially psychically gifted or smarter than most. But I was born with a love for people. I wanted to figure them out. You can build this love yourself, too. As you grow into a more AUTHENTIC man, learning to care about people will be priceless.
When you love people, you want to gather more data points because the more you understand individuals, the more you get how humans act in different situations.
To give an example from what I know best: to learn martial arts, you don’t just study one style. You study many or invent your own to fit your needs. And you dive into the broader art of war, the umbrella of all fighting styles.
So with this post, we’re going to learn to love the art of human understanding by focusing on its heart: people.
EXPOSE YOURSELF
The goal is to meet as many different people as you can—from all walks of life (not always in bed… well, okay, sometimes in bed).
You want to see every flavor of personality so you can handle more situations as a seducer. As you improve, you’ll meet many types of people.
Here’s my example from a video game I used to play.
I used to love playing Ultra Street Fighter IV. It’s tough and has a real competitive scene with well-known players. It’s really complex because it has 44 characters. Some are similar, some are wildly different. To win a real tournament, you must be ready for any character.
The solution: learn every character well.
If you’re not ready, this can happen…
When I first bought Street Fighter IV almost six years ago, I immediately chose a funny little wrestler with a mask, El Fuerte (I chose it cos of Rey Mysterio from WWE).
I fell in love with him. Crazy, unplanned, outside-the-box—everything I wanted in life. So I played him all the time and learned his style fast. Then I heard there was a tournament nearby. A friend and I went, met some cool people, and played some casual matches before the main event. I turned heads because nobody knew how to play against El Fuerte.
In short, they weren’t ready for me.
I’d only been playing for a few months, with little experience, but I started crushing players—some who had been playing fighting games almost as long as I’d been alive. But how?!
It wasn’t skill. Soon, I found out my basic techniques were weak, since I used such an odd character.
It wasn’t an experience. I’d only played the new game for a few months, and the last version for more than that.
Eventually, I did lose to top players whose basic game skills beat me after a few rounds. But I still beat six players at my first tournament before being knocked out.
The lesson: even if you’ve sharpened your social game for years and slept with a bunch of women, if it’s only in one kind of setting or with one type of partner, then you…
Will never become a truly “authentic man”
Will stumble badly in complex social or romantic scenes with certain people
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