When I first wrote this post How to be desirable without being an asshole, I thought to myself that if this was 9 years ago, My mind quickly pushed back against the idea. “I like being the badboy asshole! It’s who I am! Anyone who doesn’t like assholes is just soft!”
When you’re the asshole, you create strong attraction fast, especially if all the other guys are soft. You hardly ever feel weak. You’re usually the toughest guy in the room. And if someone else is stronger, you’ll bring him down. You believe you’ll beat all rivals with raw boldness and win.
Or so I believed.
Now, of course I didn’t go around all day being rude for no reason. The best way to explain how I acted is this: I didn’t put up with nonsense and I chased what I wanted, no matter who got in the way.
If someone made a really bad argument or said something I thought was dumb, boring, or not related, I called it out and made sure everyone around heard it too.
Everyone. Teachers, my parents, even my closest friends. If someone was being mean and pushing someone else around, I’d act even meaner to prove I’m the real one in charge (that’s my role!). If someone acted weak or afraid, I told them to stop acting soft. I thought I was helping people. I thought I was waking them up from hive thinking, while also proving I was the most powerful man there. I called it tough love.
But it’s never that clear. Never.
As time passed, I started pushing people away. I made girls who wanted me lose interest fast, and guys who wanted to be close ended up avoiding me.
In the end, I was holding myself back. And for what reason? Pride?
Looking deeper at the times I succeeded, I noticed something that didn’t fit my “jerk” image: I always did best when I was being real. In those moments, I had power – the kind where I moved things in my direction and got what I wanted without hurting others or making enemies.
The real issue was staying that way: I wasn’t always that guy.
Sure, once I hooked up with a girl, I’d drop the act and let her see the real me. Or once a friend showed they were serious, I’d stop pretending. But most of the time, I was just kind of a pain.
So I knew there had to be a better way... I just needed to lock that better version of me into my body. I had to grow.
And not long ago, I finally did it.
In this series, I’ll show how I went from nice guy (aka “soft”) to real man (aka “leader”), and I’ll break down the key traits needed to become that guy.
In this post, we’ll start with arrogance – the trait that turns you from boring nice guy into bold jerk.
After this, we’ll look at what happens when you fully live the jerk life; we’ll check out the results. Then, we’ll take a turn into humility and shave off some of that ego you’ve built up. After that, I’ll show you how to love.
Yeah, for real, I’ll teach you how to love. It’ll be fun. I swear. After that, I’ll give you the most valuable skill in this whole journey. And to end it all, I’ll give you my best lessons on how to become a real man through and through.
As we keep going, things may start to feel more vague and harder to understand with just logic alone. That’s normal, and it should push you to take action instead of only read (but still read!).
One last thing: everything you learn here and everything I teach is just a tool – something to help carry you farther down your path. Don’t get too attached to any one idea.
Alright, let’s begin.
GET READY TO DIE
Let’s be clear: the version of you right now has to be destroyed.
This is a path of starting over. If you’ve already come far in your journey, future posts will give you deeper advice, but I still suggest reading this one—it’s a fun look at the past, a review of where you began, and a warm-up for what’s ahead. If you’re new to all this, then buckle up. I think this path clearly shows what it means to learn game and attraction. It doesn’t explain every little thing, but it shows how you change as a man who’s learning how to deal with people better.
To save us time and unneeded details, I’m not going to explain what a nice guy is. Let’s just put it like this: if you’re not getting what you want in most situations, you’re too nice.
The fix is easy, too. That nice guy has to fade away and die in his softness.
The tool you’ll use is arrogance. And you’re the one holding the blade.
“I’M THE BEST”
I’ve been called arrogant more times than I can count. I’ve heard it from teachers, parents, almost every girl I’ve dated, and really, just about everyone I’ve known. When it’s from adults or authority figures, it’s a warning. From girls, it’s usually a way to tease me or test me or sometimes an insult when I don’t give in to their nonsense and they’re mad.
But I’ve also noticed something about all those people—they still show me respect (even if they don’t feel great about me during the moment).
Teachers see someone who wants more in life, and girls see a guy who won’t take crap from anyone. Even if they reject me, I keep my confident edge, and they walk away still respecting me a little. They might not like me, but they always respect strength.
SO WE SHOULD BE HUMBLE, RIGHT?!
Of course. Being humble is a powerful feeling that’s used by the greatest men in the world.
But sadly, you’re not ready for it yet.
Right now, you need to be arrogant. It’s a powerful mindset and feeling, if used the right way.
Before we move on, know two things:
Humility and arrogance can work together.
To truly get what humility means, you must first get what arrogance is. To understand arrogance the right way, you have to actually be arrogant and see what happens because of it.
“Wait, Mos, the dictionary meanings of those words seem very opposite, right?”
Well, the real world doesn’t always follow black-and-white labels. We just use clear labels to make life easier for our minds to grasp.
First, you should start with arrogance only, because the idea of “humility” you have in your head is actually stopping you from becoming better. Like I said before, you’re not getting what you want yet. That’s your fault. What you think is humility is probably just fear, and you’re holding yourself back while pretending to be noble. You’re not ready or worthy of real humility yet.
I don’t support the idea that “you are already whole,” and I dislike “accepting who you are,” unless you’ve actually become someone worth accepting.
This isn’t some forgotten teaching. If you look into any religion, fighting art, or deep life path, you’ll quickly see that most of them say either directly or subtly that you need to kill (or change) your current self and be born again as something new.
“Be baptized and be born again through Christ.”
“Leave the normal life, wear the robes of a monk, and seek Nirvana.”
“Learn different fighting skills and mix them so you can beat every enemy you face.”
Notice that rising to any higher level than where you are now needs a goal—a new version of you. To become better than who you are now, you have to aim higher than your current self, and believe more in your own abilities even if that belief is too much. That’s what arrogance is.
When it comes to attraction, you have to think you’re the best man a woman can find. That you can bring her to your bed and give her the wildest time of her life. To move closer to making that true, each time you grow, you need to believe in your skill and your future even more than what may be real.
How far should this strong belief in your future go? The only way to know is to go too far. And we’re going to go too far. Way beyond the limit, boys.
“But doesn’t being arrogant make people mad? Won’t people walk away from you because you don’t care about their feelings or needs?”
Oh yes, it does. And yes, they will.
But hear this—people will often ignore what you want or feel when it benefits them. At least with arrogance, you’re being honest about it. Most people won’t even give you that level of honesty.
Don’t get it twisted, though. You’re not supposed to always throw people aside, be bitter, or hate others just for being selfish. That’s weak thinking.
What you need to see is that most sets of morals—any rules that say “do this or don’t do that” are mostly made to keep things in order.
Everyone is looking out for themselves, and that’s just how the world works. Not good or bad. Just facts.
So, what should you do? Choose your goals, and reach them while hurting as few people as you can. That’s it. And arrogance will be the racecar that gets you there fast and in style.
Here’s the thing, most people don’t trust themselves. They fear failing, but at the same time, they’re upset they can’t change their lives. They’re stuck.
Then along comes an arrogant man. He’s one of the most confident people they’ve ever seen. He acts like he knows deep down that he’ll get what he wants, no matter what.
And they hang on to his confidence. He becomes a guiding light, full of energy and motion.
But enough talk, it’s time to learn how to use the blade. Let’s look at what this weapon actually is.
WHAT ARROGANCE FEELS, LOOKS, AND SOUNDS LIKE
Arrogance in seduction
The Feel: Arrogance in your mind feels like you’re sure she wants your dick, even before you go up to her. You might be a very high-value guy, and still, some girls won’t be into you but you still go for it! You jump into the unknown every time you try to talk to a girl, and thinking she’ll like you is arrogant. It really is! But you go for it anyway! You give off a vibe like “there’s NO WAY she WON’T be into me.”
The Look: The best way to see arrogance is through what people call the winner effect. That feeling when a guy is winning and is 100% sure he’ll keep winning. Watch a guy when a girl is all over him. You feel that small sting of jealousy and your dick kind of shrinks as he gives that confident smirk like he knows he’s won. It’s like his body is leaking testosterone and you kinda wish you were him. I see this winner-effect a lot when I go out with my closest boys – they’re really good at getting women and often have girls all over them. Even though I try not to get jealous, it’s hard when your boy is winning – something inside says, “Damn, I’m a loser compared to him,” and it makes me feel smaller. Think about when you played basketball with someone way better, or sat in a corner sipping a beer like a loner while some guy had two babes on his arm – that feeling. That pull.
The Sound: Sometimes, you’ll hear things like “I’m the fucking best” or “All these chicks wanna suck my dick” and that sounds like confidence. But usually, that’s a guy who’s only feeling high for now and will break down once he gets rejected. True, solid arrogance is more in how you say things. When someone doubts your story or questions you, you don’t flinch – “Yeah, I smashed her twenty minutes into the date. So what?” Or when a girl asks if you always talk to strangers like that: “Uhh, yeah. That’s how I meet people,” and you shrug and laugh a little.
Arrogance in a Relationship
Being arrogant in a relationship mostly shows in how you think – you know you have options and you know your girl wants you badly. You’ve already slept with her, made her come a lot, taken her on cool adventures, had deep talks, and given her a rollercoaster of feelings. Of course she wants to keep seeing you. You’re the better one. Why would she want someone worse?
The Look: When you’re with your girl, the arrogant look is when another girl flirts with you in front of her. You flirt back just a little, but every time you do, you give your girlfriend a look that says, “Yeah, other girls want me, but I’m here with you, babe. Keep being awesome, and later tonight, I’m all yours.”
The Sound: The sound of arrogance in a relationship comes when you hear a buddy talking about his girl and how she said he’s been kind of distant lately. He just laughs and says now she’s starting to act clingy. “That’s what people do when they feel something slipping away – they grab on tighter,” he tells you.
The Feel: Arrogance in a relationship just feels great. Picture this: you’re chilling in your room playing Last Of Us II to relax and get lost in the game. Your girlfriend is in the room with you, and yeah, maybe you should be paying attention to her, but you’re too into your fun. It happens. Well, you’ve been such a great boyfriend and she’s crazy about you, so while you’re gaming, she walks over and says, “Take off your pants.” You look at her, smile, and do it. She goes under the desk, and while you start a new game, she starts sucking your dick. You feel so damn good you message the other player and say, “Yo, I’m getting head while we play this. Bet I beat you before I cum.” Oh, and yeah, I won the game before I came
Arrogance In Life
This is the idea that slowly grows as you build up arrogance in the other parts of your life. You start to believe that you can become the best or at least one of the best in any area you put your time and effort into.
The Feel: As you move through your normal day or do any task, you carry yourself with energy and a drive that’s a bit stronger and more focused than most people. Even if you’re just sitting on the bus or doing some boring task, deep inside you feel like you're moving toward your goals without giving up.
The Look: Style, man, style. Easy, confident body movement. But also class. A man with arrogance takes care of his body because he understands how much looks matter. He also pays attention to his clothes because he knows people care and judge based on what they see.
The Sound: You talk like you mean every word, even if you’re speaking on a topic you don’t fully know or might be wrong about. Still, you keep your confidence. You’ll either fix your lack of knowledge or learn from your mistake. But that doesn’t take away from how cool you are overall.
A few thoughts that might pop into the mind of an arrogant man:
“I manage my money better than most people I know. They waste money on useless stuff or waste it on booze and drugs. I’ll still buy what I like, but I understand that my dreams need money and I won’t have that if I keep spending on things that don’t help me reach my goals.”
“I can build a healthier lifestyle than anyone I know. When they’re too lazy to hit the gym or cook real food, they give up. They stay home, order fast food, and let their bodies fall apart from bad habits. Their weakness is my strength. I’ll take that extra 30 minutes to make myself a plate of chicken, spinach, and tomatoes. I’ll stick to my gym plan—no skipping.”
“I’m tired of watching my friends settle for manipulative girls or act needy just to get some love. Sure, I like sex and being close to someone, but I want to be the one leading. The guy who doesn’t lock women down out of fear they’ll leave, or give in to his girlfriend just because he’s scared she won’t have sex with him tonight. And I’m going to get the best quality women out there. If I’m not good enough yet to get those women, no problem—I’ll put in the work, every single day, because average just isn’t good enough for me. The hard work and pain are worth it.”
As you might guess, it’s about thinking you’re the best thing to happen to women since they found their sweet spot even if that’s not fully true!
So, do these thoughts and ways of thinking sound good to you? Good! If I’ve done a good job getting you to take the Arrogant Pill, here’s your dose, my friends (outcomes may be different).
CULTIVATING ARROGANCE
Make arrogance a part of who you are. Surround yourself with things that spark arrogance.
Spend time with “jerks,” or people who often ignore what others want just to help themselves. Some of them are actually good deep down, while others are just plain awful you’ll learn who’s who with time and real-life experience. Most of them are really self-centered, and you’ll learn a lot just from watching them. Their ability to hold their frame is insanely strong. Just be careful if you find that a certain guy is truly a bad person inside, leave quickly, or you’ll take in too much of his arrogance and end up just like him—ruined. The only way to know the difference is to see it yourself!
Add more rap songs to your daily playlist. Play Kendrick Lamar’s “Money Trees” or G-Eazy’s “I Mean It” and tell me you don’t feel like dancing around the room like your stuff is made of gold.
Try listening to death metal too. A lot of it has angry words and some whining, but the power of its wild style fills you with drive and energy—a key emotion for building arrogance. Why do you think movies producers play loud metal during the cool parts when the hero is about to crush the bad guys? It’s that wild energy and male drive! I suggest bands like Gojira, Darkest Hour, In Flames, Dark Tranquility, Parkway Drive, and As I Lay Dying, just to name a few.
Arrogance for the Beginner
When I first started copying, Tucker Max, I went all in with my arrogance. That’s how you need to begin, too. You need to see for yourself how people act when you’re arrogant. Usually, an arrogant move is something that:
Could be risky for your body or image, but can bring big rewards or praise if done right
Is harder than what you can do now, but you try anyway
To do this, you can:
Push back when people say stuff you don’t agree with. Watch how they freeze up trying to defend their words—they didn’t expect anyone to challenge them. This teaches you how to be dominant. If someone says something dumb, call it out right there: “Really? You think that’s how to suck a potato? Come on…”
Say rude things to both guys and girls, even if you KNOW it will ruin the vibe, just to feel what it’s like to be the one in control of the mood. If a girl is being rude, tell her, “Hey, you’re being kinda rude.” This helps you learn how to control the vibe, lead the moment, and stay on top. Have you ever called your teacher by their first name, just to see what they’d do? Or questioned someone way above you just because what they said was dumb, or to see how they react to someone talking back?
Make jokes that target others. This could go from small stuff, like laughing at someone for forgetting something super simple (they’ll probably laugh too) to darker stuff, like saying their brain is close to dumb-level and their mom should’ve ended the pregnancy early. They probably won’t laugh at that one, and others will think you’re super cold, but you’ll understand what emotional control feels like. This teaches you not to care so much about results and how to hold your spot.
Now, I know from experience that you probably won’t go as far as you need to at first, but I really want you to push your limits. Forget what society says is nice for now, it’s holding you back (and usually always will, but when you really get good at social skills, these “rules” will be things you can play with to help yourself). Right now, you need to become “that guy.” People will react badly, and you might lose a few friends. I wish I could offer you a softer path, but if you haven’t gone through this phase yet, you need strong training to undo all that weak stuff stuck in your head.
You might not win much in the beginning, but you WILL start to feel a shift, I promise. You’ll start to like yourself more for pushing limits and keeping your standards high and others, even if they don’t like your new arrogant style, will start to respect you out of fear of being challenged, or more likely, because you do the things they’re scared to do.
Arrogance for the Intermediate
Test how much you can increase your assertiveness and bold behavior while still maintaining a good connection with people, or even successfully engaging in romantic pursuits.
This advice focuses on learning how to achieve more with less effort (remember, arrogance is just one tool among many I'm teaching you).
For instance, you might be talking to a woman, and midway through the conversation, she starts expressing strong political opinions arrogantly. When this happens, you should dismiss her point with a tone that suggests, "what you're saying isn't important," but still try to keep her interested and attracted to you.
Once, I was at a daytime party once, and a petite Asian woman was there. I could tell from her behavior that she was a bit spirited. Right after I made a rude comment toward her, she turned to me, approached, and said, "Oh, so you're the arrogant and condescending one, huh? Well, I can assure you that I'm smarter than you."
I just laughed and continued enjoying the party. Later, she found me sitting on a couch and tried to start another conversation. I knew she was interested, but at that time, I wasn't experienced enough to realize I should have made a move then. Fortunately, she later added me on Facebook and repeated the first thing she ever said to me. I then invited her over to watch some anime, and we quickly became intimate.
If I had lower self-esteem, I might have argued with her or been unsettled by her challenge but I wasn't. I was just starting to get good with women, but even without much knowledge, I used temporary confidence—arrogance. I believed in my journey to master relationships, knew I had high value, and laughed at her challenge, as any confident person would at a minor provocation.
As someone with intermediate experience, you have some successes behind you; you can reflect on your achievements and social victories to strengthen this sense of superiority with actual knowledge of your abilities. You'll still occasionally face rejection or lose some friends, and that's okay—you're still pushing boundaries to fully understand the nature of arrogance. Balance will come later.
Advanced Arrogance
Writing the previous parts now feels a bit immature to me. Honestly, I hesitated to write this post because I know much of this advice might upset people and could even damage some friendships if followed. But upon reflection, I realize it only seems trivial to me because I've experienced it all; I've tested every limit of offense and aggression, and now I'm starting to tone it down, using it only when necessary (though I still occasionally say something extremely rude without intending to; it's become second nature).
Arrogance is a weapon I've honed and now wield effectively.
If you haven't walked this path, you don't see the full picture and lack the right or knowledge to dismiss arrogance.
Maybe a few very observant individuals have avoided going overboard with arrogance by learning from others' experiences, but I haven't personally met anyone who is truly confident and hasn't had their bold phase (or isn't still in it).
For those who've risked others' approval to discover the truth, I now advise you to learn to restrain your arrogance, at least in your actions. Now, just internalize the belief in your inevitable success, whatever your goals may be. The arrogance is ingrained in you; it no longer needs to be displayed. In short, you've learned how to push boundaries when others wouldn't and how to act despite fear. That's what you gain from being bold. Let that power resonate quietly. If this seems abstract, it's because you haven't done the work yet. Go back to the beginner part and start working!
Now that we've covered arrogance, next we'll explore what happens when you become arrogant about your arrogance and try to take on the entire world with just that tool ;)
Until then, speak confidently!
-MOS