Lovers or Friends: Which Path Should You Choose?

While growing up, women always meant one thing to me: girlfriend material. Women were always possible gfs; never once did I think that I could just be friends with them.

It wasn’t until I started getting more girls (than I could handle) that I felt the need to put women into clear roles in my life. I couldn’t (and didn’t want to) sleep with every girl I met, because some women ended up causing more stress than they were worth as lovers.

But then, I started to see how useful real friendships with women could be. High value women are great for your social life, they make you look good to other women, and they help you understand how women act every day.

But I ran into a problem. I would flirt with women just for fun, but then I’d end up sleeping with them, and the friendship would fall apart. Women wanted sex from me, and I would say yes, thinking we could still be friends afterward.

I thought, “It’s only sex.” (famous last words 💀)

But I started to see that I was messing up both friendships and dating chances by switching roles. These women didn’t know what we were. We weren’t just friends, and we weren’t clear lovers either. Things would get awkward fast when no one knew what we were supposed to be.

What was my real problem?

I wasn’t setting clear roles for the women in my life from the start. This kind of confusion leads to messy relationships that fall apart. I lost many good women because I didn’t decide early what I wanted them to be, and the same could happen to you.

THE ILL-DEFINED RELATIONSHIP

Can’t you just let things happen naturally and not worry about what role women play in your life?

Yes, if you enjoy drama and confusion.

Most people go through life doing what feels right in the moment. But what feels right now might be the wrong move in the future.

For example, you might sleep with a high value girl who is always kind and helpful to you. It might feel right when you’re both tipsy and alone. But the next morning, she’ll act strange, and the friendship will fade. The relationship has changed shape, it’s now unclear.

Another case is when you try to go back from being lovers to just being friends. But it feels weird. Both of you know it’s not really what you want. You wanted more, not less.

Choosing clear roles from the beginning helps avoid these messy situations. It also makes your life easier. Let me explain how.

As you may know, women usually put people into three roles in their lives: lovers, providers, and friends. A man can be none of these, just one, two, or even all three.

The same idea applies to men and how they see women but since most men take care of their own needs, women mostly become lovers or friends to them.

Usually, when you meet a woman, you decide her role early. She may be a lover, or a friend, or even both.

The problem starts when you place a woman into one role at first like friend or lover and later try to change her role, or try to mix both.

When you try to switch roles, it often goes badly.

A common example is when a man starts to fall for one of his female friends.

Maybe she wore a hot red dress last weekend, and she looked amazing. Maybe she’s been into you for a while, but you always saw her as a friend. Now, suddenly, you want to change things.

But you have to stay firm from the very beginning. Changing roles later rarely works out. You’re trying to undo months of being friends by hoping one night will change everything. Things get messy, and both people are unhappy with the result.

So what should a man do to stop this from happening?

He has to choose the woman’s role early, and stick to it.

CHOOSE HER ROLE – FRIEND OR LOVER?

The hardest part in this puzzle isn’t knowing that you’re better off by choosing roles. That’s a truth that can be taught fast.

The real struggle is in making the choice on whether a girl should be your friend, your lover, or both. This is tough because women don’t easily fit into just one box. They often have traits that could make them either, or even both.

That’s why this choice mostly depends on knowing what you need most in your life.

If you’re like most guys reading this page, you want more lovers. Girls who are just friends aren’t your main goal.

Along with having women as lovers, most guys really want a girlfriend, someone who’s both a lover and a friend.

But later on, you’ll get to a point where you don’t lack women in either of those roles, and you just need to figure out which woman fits best in which place.

Whatever your situation is, it’s smart to ask certain questions to test and check women to see what role they should be in, if any. It all comes down to using the right questions to sort and place women into the proper role.

THE CHECK – WHAT TO ASK HER (AND YOURSELF)

To really understand how well a girl fits into each role, not only on a feeling level but on a thinking level too, you have to ask yourself some questions about her, and even ask her directly at times.

First, start with questions about what kind of person she is. In other words:

Her Personality

Ask yourself, is she…

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