HOW TO ADD FLIRTING AND PLAYFULNESS TO ANY CONVERSATION WITH WOMEN

New question straight from the DMs from a paid sub, Jace:

"Any tips on shifting the talk to more teasing/flirting in some situations to make the vibe more fun/flirty

When she wants to connect, but you want to add more teasing/flirting

When she wants to catch up or asks about things like how is X going, how are things at Y etc or other topics that aren’t personal

Pretty much asking about how to spot signs and chances to add some teasing & fun into talks, or ways to guide the chat toward more fun in a smooth and skilled way.

Thanks!"

- Jace

Sure, let’s talk about this: how do you make your conversations more fun?

Basically, when you’re talking to girls who are trying to connect or ask you lots of questions, but you want the conversation to be more playful and flirty, what’s really going on is a battle of frames.

She wants the conversation to go one way, but you want it to go a different way.

I want to first talk about if it’s smart to take control of the conversation like this and what can happen if you do or don’t.

Then we’ll talk about how to make your conversations more playful.

SHOULD YOU TAKE THE LEAD OR NOT

Sometimes you’ll be in a conversation like one of the ones Jase brings up.

The girl is pushing to get facts from you, asking about everything in your life… or she really wants to connect with you, but ONLY connect; she doesn’t want to joke around.

Can you just LET HER take the lead?

Clearly, she’s into you and wants to know things or share things. Maybe you should just go along with it!

Here’s what I found: I tried this a lot early in my dating life, because if I could just chill and let the girl do all the work and still hook up with her, that’d be perfect. What I found out was this:

• Girls asking lots of facts: unless you have a bunch of AMAZING facts that really wow her, way better than what other guys give, you won’t get the lay. She’ll grab a bunch of facts from you, see that yours aren’t better than other guys’ facts, get bored that the chat was just you giving basic info, and dip.

• Girls wanting to connect: this can work a bit better, but only if she’s opening up to you on deep stuff and values that help the vibe. And only if she gives you control of the conversation at some point. If you let her go on and on about sad stuff or deep pain, and she keeps leading the chat, then you likely won’t hook up.

In most cases, you really do have to lead the conversation.

If you let her steer things too long, she’ll guide the chat into a dead end, feel bored, think it’s your fault, and bounce.

As the guy, you NEED to take the lead in the talk, and guide it to a place where things can turn flirty.

ADDING PLAYFULNESS WITH GIRLS WHO WANT CONNECTION

These girls are the easiest to deal with, because as long as you still give her the connection she wants, you can say or do almost anything else you like.

The way to mix in fun with a girl who wants to connect is to use jokes + touch and small requests, then give her the connection she’s after.

For example:

HER: So how did you end up living here?

YOU: I was taken by a gang of robbers and brought to this city but got away. I built my home here. [joke] No, I’m just messing with you. Come closer and I’ll tell you. [ask her to do something]

The simple steps we used here were:

• Say something fake that is funny (usually something silly).

• Ask her to do something / give back.

• Then give her the connection she wants.

Since she wants to connect with you, she’s paying attention to you and open to your jokes.

Because she wants that connection, she’ll also do what you ask. When she does, she puts effort into the talk, which makes her more into it.

Girls who want deep talks need you to repeat this every now and then.

Don’t do it each time she asks for something deep, or you’ll look like you’re doing the same routine.

Just add it in when it feels like she’s taking the lead too much – you balance that out by asking her to do things too.

ADDING PLAYFULNESS INTO INFO-SEEKING TALKS

When a girl wants to catch up or ask lots of facts, use the same steps as before, just skip asking her to do something. The new step is to turn the chat back to her so it’s not just her asking and you answering again and again.

Here’s how to deal with these:

HER: How are you? How’s it going with that business you wanted to start?

YOU: Oh, you know, we just got interviewed for Fortune Magazine, landed some big investors… just kidding, we’re still planning. But maybe soon! How about you?

We don’t ask her to give effort right away, because she might just be being polite and we don’t want to break social rules.

But if she sticks around and keeps asking, we ask for effort. Like this:

HER: How are you? How’s it going with that business you wanted to start?

YOU: Oh, you know, we just got interviewed for Fortune Magazine, landed some big investors… just kidding, we’re still planning. But maybe soon! How about you?

HER: I’m good. I made it onto that project team at work I was trying to get onto!

YOU: Nice job! You’ve been working on that for a while! We need to celebrate!

HER: I already did. I finished a whole box of wine two nights ago, haha. So, with your company: that was a medical devices business you were starting, right?

YOU: Yep, that’s the one. People are getting older and need more care, so it seems like a good field to be in. So are you still playing racquetball?

HER: I stopped. I was too bad at it! What kind of medical devices were you going to make again?

YOU: Well if you want the full talk [joke] then we better sit down. [ask her to do something] Let’s head over here and sit. [move her]

Now, she’ll either do what you ask, and put more effort into the chat and show interest, or she’ll leave, if she was only digging for facts.

If she’s not interested but has a reason for the questions, she’ll usually say what it is now (“Actually, I’m asking because my cousin works at the local hospital and they’ve been needing better tools for some things”).

Our steps for fact-askers or catch-up girls are:

First answer: joke first, then the real info, then ask about her.

Second answer: give the real info, then ask about her.

Third answer: joke like she’s playing “20 questions,” then ask her to move or do something to “keep the interview going.” She will either agree, leave, or say why she’s asking.

CONCLUSION

We looked at several small ways today to bring more fun into your talks with girls.

This really helps move her out of just being polite and into real flirting unless, of course, you want to end up as the friendly-but-boring guy.

The big idea behind these tricks is, “I should add fun, but do it in a smooth way that doesn’t insult her or ignore what she’s trying to do in the chat.”

It’s more of a soft nudge than a hard push.

Because forcing someone to have ‘fun’ isn’t actually fun.

But giving her a little playful nudge? That totally is!

-MOS

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