7 Ways to Make Her Want to Show Up for You
Most guys lose the girl after she says yes. These 7 moves make sure she actually shows up.
You meet a girl, talk to her, and have a good time, then ask her out.
She says, “Yes!” Great!
But just because you got her number and set a time to meet doesn’t mean she’ll come.
So what can you do to make sure she actually shows up for your date?
In this guide, I’ll give you five (5) steps you should follow to make sure girls come to their dates with you, plus two extra steps you can try if you want.
Follow this guide, and more girls will show up to see you than anyone else you know.
Why Do Girls Flake on Dates?
Before we get into the steps, let me first explain why girls sometimes agree to go out but then don’t come.
There are many reasons a girl might give. But most of the time, they all come down to one simple reason:
She just doesn’t feel it’s worth the effort!
Going on a date takes effort.
She needs to shower, pick clothes, do her makeup, go outside, travel to the place (which she might not know well), and then talk with someone she may not know at all.
Some dates need energy (like hiking, rock climbing, and beach volleyball). Some need social effort (like karaoke, parties, group dinners). Not every girl is ready for these types of high-energy dates.
If it feels like the work she has to do for the date is more than what she’ll get out of it, she’s more likely to cancel.
Of course, there are other reasons a girl might not show: a real emergency came up, she had two things planned at once and forgot, the other one was more important than the date, and so on.
But these reasons are not common.
In the end, most girls who don’t show up don’t think the date is worth the time and energy it takes.
So, most of the ways we use to make sure she comes will focus on two (2) main things:
Make the date feel more worth it for her, and
Make the date feel easier for her to go on
The more we make the date feel fun or special to her, and the easier we make it for her to go, the more likely she’ll come and the fewer times we’ll get flaked on.
Step #1: Strong First Impression
Your first impression is the most important tool you have for making the date feel worth it to her. Guys who make strong, attractive first impressions have an easy time getting girls to show up on dates. Guys who make weak first impressions have a much harder time getting girls to show up.
Like most things, first impressions can be made better with time and practice. These are the areas I think you should focus on to build a strong, date-boosting first impression:
Your basics: This includes everything about how you look, like your smile, eye contact, how you stand, what you wear, your body shape, how you move, how you act, your voice, and how good you are with people. Women notice these things fast (often in the first 10 seconds), and they make a big difference in how much she’s drawn to you.
Your flirting: All animals have ways of showing interest in mating. For people, it’s flirting. If you go up to her and talk like you would to a worker in a store, or you give her normal talk with just a few basic compliments (“You’re really beautiful”), it won’t feel like flirting, and she’ll be confused (“Why is he talking to me? I don’t get it”). You need to learn how to flirt – and get good at it.
How well you seem to understand her: Women are pulled in by men who seem to know a lot about them soon after meeting. It makes things feel special, like maybe it’s fate! You can do this by cold reading (like guessing her job or hobbies, or saying something about her personality that you picked up fast). Another way is to ask a few questions and reflect her values back to her.
Your skill at getting her to give: If she finds herself doing things for you in the first few minutes of talking, she’ll stop and think, then explain it to herself by saying she must really like you. Ask her to do small things and get her involved.
The way you close: Like the Hagakure says, “the end is important in all things.” How do you finish your chat with her – by nervously saying, “Can I get your number?” as she tries to leave, or by asking her out clearly during a good moment, and then getting her number smoothly after she agrees?
Strong first impressions matter so much when it comes to getting dates that they’ll usually take up most of your self-growth effort when you’re starting out. Without a strong first impression, you make things harder for yourself later on.
Spend serious time working on how you come across.
The better you get at nailing that first moment, the easier everything after it becomes.
Step #2: Generate Interest
The interest you create is part of the first impression, but it matters so much on its own that it deserves its own step.
Picture two guys that a girl meets on the same day:
Guy A is calm, sure of himself, and she finds him attractive. Right away, she learns a lot about him: his work, his hobbies, where he stays, and why he likes her. His first impression is solid, but there’s no mystery at all: she feels like she already knows everything about him. She walks away thinking there’s not much left to learn about this guy.
Guy B is also calm, sure of himself, and attractive to her. But he has a bit of mystery: she learns a few things about him, but those few details make her wonder more. He says he’s an artist, but is that really his job? He just came to this city, but from where? He’s often busy on weekends – doing what? Work? Or something else? She wants to know more about him, and the more she thinks of him, the more her interest grows.
Which of these two guys do you think she is more likely to cancel on, even though she liked both?
And which one is she more likely to meet again, no matter what?
Guy A, even though his first impression is decent, doesn’t bring much curiosity. She feels like she already knows him. Unless he happens to be the exact dream man she’s been searching for (not likely; girls have all kinds of tastes, and you won’t often be an ideal match), she won’t feel much push to meet him again. Since he’s not a perfect match, and there doesn’t seem to be any hidden layer that might change her mind, why go on the date?
Guy B, though, sparks curiosity. She doesn’t know yet if he’s a great match… but what if he is? She knows just a little, and that little bit gets her imagination going. Imagination is strong, and just like the romance books she reads or the shows you watch that end on a cliffhanger and make you crave the next episode, she just needs to know more. And unless he messes things up by telling her everything through texts, the only way she’ll find out is by seeing him again in person.
You should aim to create curiosity.
Here are a few ways to do it:
Give women small hints, not your full story. This isn’t like going for a job. You’re not here to impress her like you would an employer. She won’t tell you what she wants like an employer would, and if you act like it’s a job interview, it won’t go well. Instead, drop little hints that show you’re interesting and valuable, and make her want to ask more.
Let the talk be about her and avoid showing off. Get her to open up about herself, listen, ask questions, and respond in a way that connects. She’ll feel close to you. Then later, when she thinks back, she’ll notice she told you a lot, but didn’t learn much about you (other than your small hints) – and that will make you seem more mysterious. Who was that guy? How did he get me to talk so much while sharing so little about himself?
Leave before things drag. Every guy’s had that moment where he kept talking to a girl, then kept talking, until things got dull and she awkwardly said she had to leave. That kills interest. A guy who leaves while things still feel good and lively keeps the mystery strong. Get good at leaving during a good moment, and you’ll leave a strong (and interesting) final impression.
The more curious she feels about you, the more likely she is to show up for the date.
Step #3: Texting Should Be Smooth
One easy way to mess things up with a girl, even if you did great during the first impression, is through texting.
Way too many guys make texting mistakes that land them in one of three groups of bad texters:
The Guys Who ask boring questions: This guy keeps sending her dull, weak, needy-sounding texts like, “Hey, what’s up?” “What are you up to?” “What are you doing right now?” “Doing anything later?” These kinds of texts bore her, annoy her, and make her want to stop replying.
The Guys who just keep the convo on for hours: This mister tries to trap women in long, ongoing chats by text, thinking that if he can just keep her talking long enough through messages, she’ll feel so close to him she’ll want to date him! The truth is, she’s already texting with lots of people all day and only replies when she has free time or is bored – but she will get tired of the never-ending chats with this guy eventually (and may even wonder how such a busy, high-value guy has so much time to keep texting all day).
The Witty and Interesting Guy: They are better than the two above, but their constant jokes and stories make it clear they’re trying to entertain her, which puts them in the role of chasing her. They do a better job than the other two, but chasing over text still isn’t the best move.
Now here’s the key: if you’re following this guide on getting girls to show up for their dates, and you made a great first impression, added mystery during that impression, and asked her out at a good time, you don’t need to do anything fancy with texting.
She’s already curious about you. She already wants to meet you again. Sending too many messages now just makes it more likely you’ll make a mistake and ruin the interest she already has.
To keep things low risk and boost the chances she shows up for the date, we’ll stick to good texting habits, keep our texts short, and focus only on setting up the date.
That means:
You send her a simple starter text 30 minutes to 4 hours after meeting her
You text her again the next day with a plan-making text
You follow all the other texting steps I’ve listed for you
If you don’t know what these messages are, follow the steps I’ve laid out in this guide.
With a strong start + mystery + a good invite, this texting setup is all you really need.
Don’t send deep, emotional messages. Don’t try to “learn more about her” over text. Don’t try to be super funny or super exciting in your messages.
Just aim to be a little fun and set up the date.
You’ll get more girls to meet up this way than through any other way.
Why? Because it’s TEXT; it’s just writing on a screen. No matter what you say, you won’t look more valuable. For her to really feel your value, she has to see you, hear you, feel you, and be around you and this part matters by keeping your texts calm and clear, you make the date feel easier (because you seem like a cool, no-stress guy), and that raises the chances she’ll actually come meet you.
Step #4: Propose a Low-Pressure Date
Once again, we’re going to make a move that lowers how much effort the date seems to take, which raises the chances that a girl will come out for a date with you.