3 REASONS SHE DISAPPEARED DESPITE THE GREAT CONNECTION YOU BOTH HAD

I've been helping men with their love lives for over 6 years, and there's one puzzling issue that keeps coming up:

“Why did this girl I had an amazing connection with disappear?”

This problem baffles men when it happens. It seems to defy all logic and sense! A great connection should mean wanting to see each other again... right?

So why do girls you have a great connection with suddenly vanish?

Actually, there are three common reasons this happens – and they aren't things men usually consider as potential causes for a girl ghosting.

We’ll explore each reason and then discuss how to avoid these pitfalls to keep your connections from falling apart.

3 REASONS SHE VANISHED ON YOU

There are three reasons why girls you had a great connection with might disappear:

1. You felt a connection – but she didn’t.

2. She wasn’t actually available.

3. She couldn’t see a ‘role’ for you in her life.

All three of these are simpler to understand and fix than you might think. So keep reading, because we’re going to make this confusing connection business much clearer.

REASON #1: SHE DIDN’T FEEL A CONNECTION

The most common reason girls you had a great connection with disappear is that the connection was one-sided.

In other words, you felt a connection – but she did not!

How can this be? Aren’t connections mutual?

Back in 2017, I had a girlfriend who was amazing at getting anyone she talked to to open up completely. Within minutes, they'd share intimate details about their lives, dreams, and motivations. After such conversations, they really liked her and thought she was amazing. They all wanted to see her again.

After many of these conversations, she would share her thoughts about the person who had just opened up to her. Often, she didn't feel any connection to them. Why? Because while they had shared so much about themselves, she had revealed almost nothing about herself in return.

Scientific research on how people form connections shows that we feel more connected to others as we disclose things about ourselves. One study found that building an intimate connection follows these steps:

1. Person A shares personal feelings or information with Person B.

2. Person B responds supportively and empathetically.

3. If Person A feels understood, validated, and cared for, they feel a more intimate connection.

However, this process doesn't address how Person B feels about the connection. Person B also needs to share personal information and feel supported and validated by Person A to experience the same level of connection.

The conversation I often have with guys who report a great connection, only to have the girl disappear, goes something like this:

Him: We had this amazing connection! But now she won’t respond to my texts at all!

What happened?

Me: When you talked to her, did you tell her a lot about yourself?

Him:Yes!

Me: Did you share anything deeper or more personal?

Him: I told her about [some passion he has or dream/motivation of his].

Me: What did she tell you about herself?

Him: She said [her job/where she’s from/superficial details].

Me: Did she share anything deep or meaningful with you?

Him: Umm… I can’t remember anything like that. But we talked about [other superficial things]!

What happened here is that the guy, in his effort to build a connection, shared meaningful and personal things about himself. The girl listened, empathized, and supported him, deepening his feeling of connection.

However, he failed to get her to share anything meaningful about herself, so while he felt very connected, she did not.

What I often hear from guys after explaining this is, “But she was acting so into the conversation!”

There are a couple of things to note here. First, even if a woman doesn’t share much about herself, your self-disclosure can still make her like you and feel closer to you to some degree. However, this effect is not as strong as it would be if she were also opening up about herself.

Second, in the early stages of courtship, women often match the level of flirtation they receive, regardless of their actual interest level. If you’re acting very attracted to a woman (because you feel a great connection), she is likely to reflect that back to you, even if she doesn’t feel the same way.

The mistake here is that men often get excited and open up about themselves, feeling connected, and then misinterpret the woman's reciprocal flirtation as a sign that she feels the same way. In reality, they haven’t created that same feeling of connection in her.

REASON #2: SHE WASN’T ACTUALLY AVAILABLE

About 80% of the women you see out in public are in relationships. This means that if you approach women randomly, without waiting for clear signs of interest, 4 out of 5 women you approach will be taken.

If your approach is clumsy, women may quickly tell you “I have a boyfriend” to get rid of you, whether it's true or not. However, if you approach confidently and charmingly, even women in relationships might engage with you instead of immediately dismissing you. Consequently, you won't always hear about their boyfriends right away.

What happens when you have an amazing connection with a girl who’s in a relationship? Sometimes, something might happen:

- She might cheat on her boyfriend with you.

- She might decide to leave him for you.

- If she was already having issues with her boyfriend, meeting you might encourage her to break up and move on to someone else, possibly you.

However, most of the time, if she is attached, nothing will come of it. Despite the connection you felt, her existing relationship will likely prevent things from progressing further.

SHE’LL HAVE A NICE CONVERSATION AND DISAPPEAR

Even if she felt a connection, she might still disappear if she’s unavailable. This isn’t because you did anything wrong. It’s simply that she’s not available. This applies to:

- Girls in relationships: They might enjoy the conversation but remain committed to their current partners.

- Out-of-town visitors: They don’t live in your city and are just passing through.

- Overwhelmed individuals: They are too busy with school or work to make time for a new relationship.

If she’s unavailable, the connection won’t matter, and she’ll likely vanish.

REASON #3: NO ‘ROLE’ FOR YOU IN HER LIFE

Our third reason is closely related to the first two. Sometimes, despite the connection, she doesn’t see how you fit into her life.

Example Scenario:

Imagine you’re on a flight and sit next to a 55-year-old graveyard groundskeeper from a small town. He’s a great conversationalist, full of hilarious jokes and fascinating stories. The flight passes quickly, and you exchange contact details, promising to stay in touch.

But realistically, will you? Probably not. Why? Because, despite the enjoyable conversation, you don’t see a role for him in your life.

Similarly, a woman might have a great conversation with you but not see how you fit into her life. Perhaps her lifestyle, goals, or social circles don’t align with yours, making it hard for her to envision a future with you.

Understanding these reasons can help you navigate dating with more clarity. It’s not always about the connection you felt, but about availability and seeing a potential role in each other’s lives.

The truth is, you’re unlikely to visit this guy’s small town, and he's probably not coming to your city either. There might be an age gap, and a graveyard groundskeeper doesn’t really add any business or social value to your life. Despite enjoying his company and feeling a connection during the flight, there's simply no role for him in your life.

Even if you try to stay in touch for a while, you'll likely lose interest, and eventually, you'll fade him out.

The same thing can happen with women you meet.

Interestingly, it happens more often with women you talk to for longer periods.

The more you talk and share with a girl, the less you seem like a one-size-fits-all option. Instead, you start to develop a distinct persona in her mind.

But is that a good thing? Not necessarily, especially if you don’t know what roles she has available in her life!

Do you know what she's looking for right now? Is it:

- A long-term boyfriend?

- A fling?

- Just friends?

And what are her criteria for each of these roles? Do you know? Does she even know?

The more she gets to know you, the more she'll either see you fitting into one of these roles or not. For example, if you talk to a girl for 30 minutes and then exchange contact information, she might think:

“Well, he was fun to talk to, but I don’t think he's looking for friends. I didn’t feel excited enough to hook up with him. And I'm not sure if he's boyfriend material either. Actually, I'm not sure what I can do with this guy. What can I do with him?”

Feeling uncertain about how you fit into her life, she decides to do nothing and disappears.

SOLVING THE GIRL VANISH AFTER CONNECTION PROBLEM

How do we stop girls from vanishing when we feel a connection with them?

Solving “She Didn’t Feel a Connection”

The key is to get women to open up to you. Instead of sharing a lot about yourself to build a connection (which might make you feel connected but not necessarily her), do the opposite:

- Encourage her to share her values, dreams, and motivations.

- Build similarities in attitudes based on her values.

- Dive deep into her dreams and motivations.

The more you do this, the more connected she'll feel to you.

But how much should you do this during your first meeting? My advice is to avoid going too deep before a substantial date. Save the deepest conversations for the date where you plan to be intimate. That way, you can turn the deep emotional connection into a physical one, avoiding any feelings of dissatisfaction if you connect deeply but don’t consummate it.

To tackle the problem of unavailable women you connect with, ensure to check their availability upfront.

In certain settings like online dating or nightlife, this may not be as critical. But in more conservative environments, it's wise to screen early on.

You can ask simple questions like "Are you single?" at any point during your conversation. Alternatively, make playful remarks about her boyfriend to prompt her to reveal her relationship status.

If you're more touchy and flirtatious and have short interactions, you may not need explicit screening. Women will often mention if they're attached when you make a move.

For other availability issues like being overwhelmed with work or leaving soon, read between the lines. If she sounds stressed, inquire about her schedule. If she's not from the area, ask when she's leaving.

This upfront screening helps avoid investing time in someone who isn't available.

So:

1. Check her relationship status by asking or through flirtatious interaction.

2. Find out if she's swamped with work or projects.

3. Determine if she's leaving town soon.

These steps help you know if she's available.

To solve the issue of not fitting into her life:

1. Keep initial conversations short and light.

2. Don't reveal too much about yourself.

3. Establish attraction and rapport quickly.

4. Ask for her contact details and suggest meeting up later.

5. Be a bit mysterious, allowing her to imagine things about you.

6. When you meet for the date, let her talk about herself, and relate your sharing back to hers.

This approach makes you more intriguing and gives her space to envision you in her life.

CONCLUSION

When a girl disappears despite a strong connection, it's usually because of one of three reasons:

1. She didn't feel the same connection as you did.

2. She felt the connection but isn't available.

3. She felt the connection and is available, but you've defined yourself too much, making it hard for her to see where you fit in her life.

That's why it's best to keep initial interactions light and flirtatious. Make a good impression, ask her out, and then give her space. Sticking around too long might lead you to overshare, making her feel less connected. Also, it risks defining yourself too narrowly, making it hard for her to see how you fit into her life.

It's important to note that men who don't fit a woman's ideal image can still win her over with time and positive experiences. So, even if you don't match her initial expectations, you can still change her perception over time.

To improve your chances with girls, be attractive and refreshing but keep a bit of mystery in your initial approach. Don't oversell yourself; instead, focus on showing potential. Remember, potential is more appealing than trying to be a sure thing.

If you're facing issues where girls you like disappear, follow these solutions:

1. Screen her for availability to weed out unavailable women.

2. Don't reveal too much about yourself or spend too long in the initial approach.

3. Focus on getting her to open up about herself while keeping some mystery about you.

Don't be too mysterious; just save the most interesting parts about yourself for later. Trust your initial approach, and share more about yourself as you get to know each other better, whether on a date or later on.

-MOS